Thursday, September 23, 2010

Thunder John: Absence of Pushups (makes the biceps grow fonder)

9/23/2010

73,925 pushups completed
926,075 pushups to go
1,088 pushups ahead of schedule

Dear Friends,

Did you feel something missing last week? 9/11 - 9/13 to be exact? There was a disturbance in the force. It was as if two biceps suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced. Yes, that's right: three days, zero pushups.

In my last blog post I described the Burrito Union 10 hour triathlon I was about to participate in with my chums Swadley and AndyV. We completed 8 triathlons, which means I had to run 27.2 miles (8 x 3.4 miles). It was cold, it was rainy, I had a sinus infection, but our team pulled through and managed a 3rd place showing in our age division. Our team name was "Carl, Karl and Qarl". Check out the standings in this link, we're in the 3 person relay male division:

www.burritounion10hourtri.com/2010_bydiv.pdf

Anyway, it was a rough ride. I did not do any pushups on the day of the event. On the following two days, my legs were so sore that they could not support my body weight in the perfect pushup position. Thunder John will not abide a substandard pushup. "Unacceptable!" I have been known to yell when I see a stooped back, crooked knee, or other such sloppily performed pushups on passersby. Therefore, if I can't perform a pushup properly, then I will not perform pushups.

So I had three days of zero pushups. I was in purgatory. Not quite hell as I still had memories of pushups performed in days past; feeding off of those memories like a bactrian camel sustains hmself by the nutrients stored in his mighty hump. Surviving hour to hour, each tick of the clock an eternity. I knew that some day I would return to perfect pushup form, but at that time it was pure misery. I am no dromedary good sir! Return me to my rightful throne as Thunder John, prince of pushups. As you can see, I went a little mad, and it has not quite worn off yet.

Finally on 9/14, I was able to do acceptable pushups. For the next 6 days I did 375 per day, 100 more than the average needed to attain one million pushups in 10 years. I was back on pace, and feeling like a man once again.

That ordeal was a fate I do not wish on my worst enemy.

A quick note on Superior, WI, where the 10 hour triathlon was held: it is a forsaken hell hole, but it does contain the best sporting goods store east of the Mississippi. "Thundersports!" my goodness, what a majestic name. What a sign! Please enjoy this picture of me (below) in front of the Thundersports retail outlet in downtown Superior, WI. I only hope they sell Timbersports equipment, or at least a pushups girdle.

Peace Out,

Thunder John

"bringin' the thunder, packin' the pain, loaded with pushups, makin' it rain"

ps - Just to be clear, Thunder John does not wear a pushups girdle or any sort of girdle at any time. I don't know even if said product exists, but if the time comes when an octogenarian Thunder John should need a girdle to perform his pushups, then a girdle I SHALL WEAR!

Just enjoy the picture:



Friday, September 10, 2010

Thunder John "Motorin'... What's your price for flight?"

September 10, 2010

70,275 pushups completed
929,725 pushups to go
1,272 pushups ahead of schedule

Greetings pushups fans. Thunder John here. Might I add a hearty "Assalaamu alaykum" to my muslim followers. Sorry about that sword fighter dude and the way Indiana Jones just shot him dead in the street. So casual, so callous, that wasn't very sporting and I've always said that crossed the line. Now maybe the healing can begin.

Right now I'm traveling in my friend Swad's Jeep Wrangler (Unlimited!) with Swad and our mutual friend / triathlete AndyV. Starting from Wheaton, IL we are blasting across the alkali flats of Wisconsin all the way to the NW corner of the state, a saint's whisper from Minnesota, to race the "Burrito Union 10 Hour Triathlon" in Superior, WI. This is an 8 hour drive. Fitting in my prescribed 275 pushups can be quite challenging on this type of day. I did 75 before leaving my house, and 75 when we stopped for lunch. My traveling compatriots saw fit to make fun of my pushup form in the parking lot... "come on, Thunder J, go ALL the way down". "You call that a pushup?" Please. My chest touches the ground so much I've developed a callous on my sternum.

All the while they were crackin' wise, do you think either of them made a move? Those two are all bluster, just frontin' to try and bring me down to their level. No, these pushups are transcendent and I will not scrabble around in the muck with the likes of them. Well, literally I guess I will since I was doing the pushups in a Road Ranger parking lot. But whatever.

The event we are travelling to is a 10 hour triathlon which we are competing in as a relay team. As many circuits as we can do on the following triathlon course: 700 meter swim, 14 mile bike, and 5k run. We aspire to complete 8 or 9 loops. Each team member must do one leg of each triathlon - swim, bike or run. I'll be doing probably all of the running. It should be interesting. It goes without saying that while the other two are biking / swimming, I will be doing my pushups. No rest for Thunder John. No sleep 'til Brooklyn.

Please enjoy this swell picture of me doing pushups in the Road Ranger Parking lot.







Peace Out,



Thunder John



"Bringin' the thunder, packing the pain, loaded with pushups, makin' it RAIN."