November 16, 2011
193,650 pushups completed
806,350 pushups to go
6,082 pushups ahead of schedule
Dear Thunder John Fans,
Thunder John is a little under the weather this week, so he's asked me to fill in for him. So it's me, "Mrs. Thunder John" - ha! That's how he refers to me in this blog, doesn't he? I don't actually READ the blog you understand, but I hear tales. Tales of how huge he's getting, right? Puh-leeze! That chicken necked so-and-so takes 3 swats to kill a fly. Seriously, when you've heard a man scream "uncle" that many times...
And what about that name, "Thunder John". If anyone in this family should be handing out studly nicknames to themselves, it should be me.
Did you know that I'm seven months pregnant? No, I'll bet you didn't. Due date is January 25. You don't believe it? That's because I'm not even showing yet! Am I? Be honest, I can take it... Don't lie to me! I'm the same weight I was last year! I'll kill you allll! Arrrrrghhh ha ha haha a-hahaha!!!!
That's OK. I'm better now. Go to a happy place... a happy place... a happy place...
John is SUCH a tough guy... don't make me LAUGH! Ohmygod, 275 pushups a day for ten years... I'm SO impressed... more like 275 of the most sloppily formed, fish flops just shy of doing them on his knees. What's that take, six minutes a day?
TRY CARRYING 20 POUNDS OF PLACENTA ON YOUR MIDSECTION 24/7! That's what I call tough! You men are all alike! You did this to me! Why did you do this to me? AHHHH wah wah wahhhh... chocolate.
OK, (panting)... better again. So according to my husband, the pushups are still going like gangbusters. 6,0000 or so ahead of schedule. Whoop-de-doop. He actually used that phrase, "gangbusters".
He thinks he's so funny with his old timey languge.
He's even getting the kids to talk old timey. Janie, our 3 year old, came up to me and said the following after eating dessert: "I have three words to say about that cupcake... 'OOOH', 'LAH', and 'LAAAAHHH'!" John trained her to do that. What the F was that? So annoying to live with someone who thinks they're funny. Then you have to feed his ego... "oh, yeah, sure John, that's SOO great, just hilarious honey"! BARF.
Why can't I be the funny one sometimes? You know what a guy's definition of a girl with a good sense of humor is, don't you? Someone who laughs at their lame jokes. It is so unfair! He's so not funny! I told ya I'd shoot... but you didn't BELIEVE me! WHY didn't you believe me? What? Where am I? No, John's OK, I swear. Sometimes I just blurt these things out. It's the hormones. It's science.
What's that? You want to hear from him? No, I'm sorry, he's just not available. I think it's time I sign out.
Peace,
Thunder Molly Adduci
"Bringin' the baby, Packin' the diapers, Loaded with Gerber - I've got to Pee!"
p.s. Care to join the Thunder John "Nothing But Nets" team? Just click the link a and sign up: IT IS JUST THAT EASY! You too can be a member of the Thunder John "Circle of Honor", along with the McLaughlin family, the first to reach that lofty level of giving. And remember, it's 100% tax deductible.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Mail Bag: Thunder John to Farmers: "Thank You Again"
November 5, 2011
190,225 pushups completed
809,775 pushups to go
5,669 pushups ahead of schedule
Mail call! Thunder John's Maibag is bursting at its burlap seams. Time to answer some questions from my fans.
***
Dear Thunder John,
Daylight Savings time was established by Congress to assist the nation's farmers. As explained in the Uniform Time Act of 1966, just wanted to remind you that we will be turning our clocks back tonight at 2am. To be forewarned is to be forearmed. And your forearms are getting to be massive. Keep up the good work.
Sincerely,
Adoring Farmers everywhere
Dear Farmers,
Thank you for the extra hour. A 25 hour day means that many more opportunities for Thunder John to add to his total. I'll be up at 2am making the most of it.
Thanks,
Thunder John
***
Dear Thunder John,
Just wanted to let you know... if our album "Brothers in Arms" was released today, given the size of your biceps, we would've made it a double album.
Best Regards,
Mark Knopfler, Dire Straits
Dear Mark,
That's sweet, thank you.
But you are not alone. AC/DC had the same problem with their song "Big Gun". They plan to re-release it as a tribute to me called "Big Guns".
"Big Guns" will be a B-side cut released with the remake of the song "Thunderstruck", of course renamed "ThunderJohn".
Take care,
TJ
***
Dear Thunder John,
It has been said/sung that we are the future. We are supposed to be taught well and then - let us lead the way. We'll show YOU all the beauty we possess inside. I'll tell you something - that's a lot of pressure! That said, the example you have set with your steadfast climb to 1,000,000 pushups serves as an inspiration to us all. Please keep us in mind, don't give up, we're all counting on you.
Sincerely,
The Children of the World
Dear Children,
As if I didn't have enough problems. Now I'm responsible for your future? Teach you what? I didn't ask for this. Give a man some room to breathe - you're smothering me.
Regards,
TJ
ps - the best version of that song was done in the movie "Coming to America", by Eddie Murphy and his backup band Sexual Chocolate. "That boy's good"!
***
Dear TJ,
What up my homey! Word on the street is that you be livin' large and in charge. Fo' shizzle. TJ's better not be coming down to the hood tryin' to jack us up with those prime time guns of his or there is gonna be trouble.
Sincerely,
Tyrone X. Washington
Dear TXW,
I'm not Barbara Billingsley and I don't speak jive. Go back to Mexico.
***
Dear Thunder,
Wanted to thank you for that pep talk you gave to me and the boys on the #1 ranked LSU football team. Going into our game against #2 Alabama I was a ball of nevers; that call you made to our locker room at halftime really fired us up with a national championship on the line. Our victory over Alabama was in no small part thanks to your influence. I know your grandfather Andy Marchese went to LSU- you tell him there's a mesh baseball cap coming his way in the mail as a token of our gratitude.
Thanks Again,
Les Miles, head football coach, LSU
Dear Les,
All I did was hold the receiver up to my biceps and flex. You're welcome.
***
Dear TJ,
Hey, ho, I'm not a-so sure you're pushups are a good for your health. I've got your diagnosis right here... you said you looked in the mirror this morning and wanted to throw up... well, not sure what's wrong with you, but your eyesight is perfect. Want a second opinion? You're ugly too. Ba-da bing! Stop by some time and pay your bill.
Dr. Vinnie Boombatz
Dear Dr. Boombatz,
I think you've got the wrong guy... Rodney Dangerfield died 2 years ago.
-TJ
***
More mail next week.
Peace out,
Thunder John
"Bringin' the pushups, packin' the pain, loaded with pushups - makin' it rain!"
190,225 pushups completed
809,775 pushups to go
5,669 pushups ahead of schedule
Mail call! Thunder John's Maibag is bursting at its burlap seams. Time to answer some questions from my fans.
***
Dear Thunder John,
Daylight Savings time was established by Congress to assist the nation's farmers. As explained in the Uniform Time Act of 1966, just wanted to remind you that we will be turning our clocks back tonight at 2am. To be forewarned is to be forearmed. And your forearms are getting to be massive. Keep up the good work.
Sincerely,
Adoring Farmers everywhere
Dear Farmers,
Thank you for the extra hour. A 25 hour day means that many more opportunities for Thunder John to add to his total. I'll be up at 2am making the most of it.
Thanks,
Thunder John
***
Dear Thunder John,
Just wanted to let you know... if our album "Brothers in Arms" was released today, given the size of your biceps, we would've made it a double album.
Best Regards,
Mark Knopfler, Dire Straits
Dear Mark,
That's sweet, thank you.
But you are not alone. AC/DC had the same problem with their song "Big Gun". They plan to re-release it as a tribute to me called "Big Guns".
"Big Guns" will be a B-side cut released with the remake of the song "Thunderstruck", of course renamed "ThunderJohn".
Take care,
TJ
***
Dear Thunder John,
It has been said/sung that we are the future. We are supposed to be taught well and then - let us lead the way. We'll show YOU all the beauty we possess inside. I'll tell you something - that's a lot of pressure! That said, the example you have set with your steadfast climb to 1,000,000 pushups serves as an inspiration to us all. Please keep us in mind, don't give up, we're all counting on you.
Sincerely,
The Children of the World
Dear Children,
As if I didn't have enough problems. Now I'm responsible for your future? Teach you what? I didn't ask for this. Give a man some room to breathe - you're smothering me.
Regards,
TJ
ps - the best version of that song was done in the movie "Coming to America", by Eddie Murphy and his backup band Sexual Chocolate. "That boy's good"!
***
Dear TJ,
What up my homey! Word on the street is that you be livin' large and in charge. Fo' shizzle. TJ's better not be coming down to the hood tryin' to jack us up with those prime time guns of his or there is gonna be trouble.
Sincerely,
Tyrone X. Washington
Dear TXW,
I'm not Barbara Billingsley and I don't speak jive. Go back to Mexico.
***
Dear Thunder,
Wanted to thank you for that pep talk you gave to me and the boys on the #1 ranked LSU football team. Going into our game against #2 Alabama I was a ball of nevers; that call you made to our locker room at halftime really fired us up with a national championship on the line. Our victory over Alabama was in no small part thanks to your influence. I know your grandfather Andy Marchese went to LSU- you tell him there's a mesh baseball cap coming his way in the mail as a token of our gratitude.
Thanks Again,
Les Miles, head football coach, LSU
Dear Les,
All I did was hold the receiver up to my biceps and flex. You're welcome.
***
Dear TJ,
Hey, ho, I'm not a-so sure you're pushups are a good for your health. I've got your diagnosis right here... you said you looked in the mirror this morning and wanted to throw up... well, not sure what's wrong with you, but your eyesight is perfect. Want a second opinion? You're ugly too. Ba-da bing! Stop by some time and pay your bill.
Dr. Vinnie Boombatz
Dear Dr. Boombatz,
I think you've got the wrong guy... Rodney Dangerfield died 2 years ago.
-TJ
***
More mail next week.
Peace out,
Thunder John
"Bringin' the pushups, packin' the pain, loaded with pushups - makin' it rain!"
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