1,000,000 pushups down
0 pushups to go
I am done.
To quote a band, I think it was PHISH(2), "What a long strange trip it's been".
Did I seriously make 26 blog posts in 2010? Ah, the young. To have that youthful energy again would be welcomed. But this old chunk of coal has something that youngster of 36 didn't have - one million pushups under my belt!
And all along the way, this blog has been there to document this mediocre accomplishment. I have many thanks:
1. To Mrs. Thunder John. No, she didn't murder me during her guest blog of November 16, 2011. She's just had to put up with me dropping and doing 25 during the oddest occasions - in line at the airport, while walking the dog, once during a bris, among others. But through it all, she has been thoroughly nonplussed.
2. To you, the reader of this blog. "If you are reading this note, I'm already dead". No, that's not true. Unless pressing the "Publish" button kills me. I've just always wanted to type that line in quotes. Thank you for indulging me. And now, as Ryan Seacrest(3) used to say on Top 40, "Back to the countdown".
3. To the students of Lowell Elementary School. You made me feel like a superhero every time I visited your school. Thank you for being so gullible. And fantastic dancers to boot. We danced to "What does the fox say?", Silento (Whip! And nene), Robot music, Beyonce, Aretha Franklin's "Think". Great time, every time. See the links below(4).
4. To the people of Japan. You've always been there for me, from your killer robots to your unrecognizable flavors of potato chips. I salute you.
5. Thank you to all the donors to my "Nothing But Nets!" campaign to send nets to African children who need them to avoid malaria. You took my vain passion project and helped me turn it into a charitable campaign - nobody can call me a vain prima donna, a preening fool - I'm doing this for charity!
6. To my children. It just seems right to mention them but essentially they did nothing.
7. To my various inspirations: Terry "Hulk Hogan" Bollea, Andre the Giant, Mr. T, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Randy "Macho Man" Savage aka Randy Poffo and Rick Saucedo(5).
8. To all the little people out there. Though I may not recognize your existence, even as I shuffle by ignoring your extended hand... I salute you here in blog form so that I can continue to look "up and to the left", ignoring you in the flesh. It's as awkward to me as it is to you.
9. To my November 6, 2011 mailbag themed blog entry. Just re-read it. Made me laugh, although ONE entry wasn't exactly Politically Correct, and I'm not sure it would fly in today's post-woke world. See if you can spot it. Sorry Tyrone.
http://1000000pushupschallenge.blogspot.com/2011/11/mail-bag-thunder-john-to-farmers-thank.html
Nine. I think that's an appropriate number of thankyous. Well, I'll miss this blog. Not as much now as when I was updating it monthly, but it's been fun. I told myself I wasn't going to cry.... to quote Alice Cooper (6) and Procter and Gamble's (7) baby shampoo, "no more tears". (8)
Now some of you out there may have expected more FANFARE for the end of this million pushups odyssey... where's the fireworks! Why didn't he rent out a venue and sell tickets for number 1 million? At least he could have rassled a bear or something... well that's not just my style. My bravado is of the literary variety. In person, I'm as humble as an apple crumble. So I choose to end this blog with a literary bent, paraphrasing one of the greatest poetic works of the 20th century, "the hollow men" by t.s. eliot (9). As taught to me by Cath Bergen (10) sophomore year of high school, I think this is an appropriate quote to end the blog with:
"this is the way the blog ends, this is the way the blog ends, this is the way the blog ends... not with a bang but a whimper".
Peace Out,
Thunder John
"Brought the pushups, packed the pain, no more pushups - sunny pushups-free skies ahead"
(1) Actually, just REM. Here we go... another list of misquotes. Why does he think these are funny?
(2) - {Yeah yeah I know it's the Grateful Dead- but I'm pretty sure Trey Anastasio has muttered those words at least once along the way}
(3) Actually, Casey Kasem. Incidentally, he was also the voice of Scooby Doo. Look it up - it's true.
(4) Links to my dance appearances at Lowell Elementary:
2012: Robot Music
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vS417kkUf7Y&t=207s
2013: Mathletics Message
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xMQTX8-SOo&t=22s
2014: Inspirational message. Sorta.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJ9syVDkKuE
2015: Whip and Nene
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALRw67YYYCI&t=9s
2018: Beyonce! (rhymes with fiance)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbY_O-knhKo&t=29s
2019: Think!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qd3xkoBDcZE
(5) Rick Saucedo, the western suburbs of Chicago's premiere Elvis impersonator.
(6) Ozzy Osbourne
(7) Johnson and Johnson Baby Shampoo.
(8) The erroneous quote has run its course... good thing this is my last blog.
(9) t.s. eliot is actually correct... even the miscapitalization is appropriate. Look it up if you don't believe me.
(10) Actually, taught to us junior year, by Jean Whiteman.
