Thunder John: Absence of Pushups (makes the biceps grow fonder)

9/23/2010

73,925 pushups completed
926,075 pushups to go
1,088 pushups ahead of schedule

Dear Friends,

Did you feel something missing last week? 9/11 - 9/13 to be exact? There was a disturbance in the force. It was as if two biceps suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced. Yes, that's right: three days, zero pushups.

In my last blog post I described the Burrito Union 10 hour triathlon I was about to participate in with my chums Swadley and AndyV. We completed 8 triathlons, which means I had to run 27.2 miles (8 x 3.4 miles). It was cold, it was rainy, I had a sinus infection, but our team pulled through and managed a 3rd place showing in our age division. Our team name was "Carl, Karl and Qarl". Check out the standings in this link, we're in the 3 person relay male division:

www.burritounion10hourtri.com/2010_bydiv.pdf

Anyway, it was a rough ride. I did not do any pushups on the day of the event. On the following two days, my legs were so sore that they could not support my body weight in the perfect pushup position. Thunder John will not abide a substandard pushup. "Unacceptable!" I have been known to yell when I see a stooped back, crooked knee, or other such sloppily performed pushups on passersby. Therefore, if I can't perform a pushup properly, then I will not perform pushups.

So I had three days of zero pushups. I was in purgatory. Not quite hell as I still had memories of pushups performed in days past; feeding off of those memories like a bactrian camel sustains hmself by the nutrients stored in his mighty hump. Surviving hour to hour, each tick of the clock an eternity. I knew that some day I would return to perfect pushup form, but at that time it was pure misery. I am no dromedary good sir! Return me to my rightful throne as Thunder John, prince of pushups. As you can see, I went a little mad, and it has not quite worn off yet.

Finally on 9/14, I was able to do acceptable pushups. For the next 6 days I did 375 per day, 100 more than the average needed to attain one million pushups in 10 years. I was back on pace, and feeling like a man once again.

That ordeal was a fate I do not wish on my worst enemy.

A quick note on Superior, WI, where the 10 hour triathlon was held: it is a forsaken hell hole, but it does contain the best sporting goods store east of the Mississippi. "Thundersports!" my goodness, what a majestic name. What a sign! Please enjoy this picture of me (below) in front of the Thundersports retail outlet in downtown Superior, WI. I only hope they sell Timbersports equipment, or at least a pushups girdle.

Peace Out,

Thunder John

"bringin' the thunder, packin' the pain, loaded with pushups, makin' it rain"

ps - Just to be clear, Thunder John does not wear a pushups girdle or any sort of girdle at any time. I don't know even if said product exists, but if the time comes when an octogenarian Thunder John should need a girdle to perform his pushups, then a girdle I SHALL WEAR!

Just enjoy the picture:

Thunder John "Motorin'... What's your price for flight?"

September 10, 2010

70,275 pushups completed
929,725 pushups to go
1,272 pushups ahead of schedule

Greetings pushups fans. Thunder John here. Might I add a hearty "Assalaamu alaykum" to my muslim followers. Sorry about that sword fighter dude and the way Indiana Jones just shot him dead in the street. So casual, so callous, that wasn't very sporting and I've always said that crossed the line. Now maybe the healing can begin.

Right now I'm traveling in my friend Swad's Jeep Wrangler (Unlimited!) with Swad and our mutual friend / triathlete AndyV. Starting from Wheaton, IL we are blasting across the alkali flats of Wisconsin all the way to the NW corner of the state, a saint's whisper from Minnesota, to race the "Burrito Union 10 Hour Triathlon" in Superior, WI. This is an 8 hour drive. Fitting in my prescribed 275 pushups can be quite challenging on this type of day. I did 75 before leaving my house, and 75 when we stopped for lunch. My traveling compatriots saw fit to make fun of my pushup form in the parking lot... "come on, Thunder J, go ALL the way down". "You call that a pushup?" Please. My chest touches the ground so much I've developed a callous on my sternum.

All the while they were crackin' wise, do you think either of them made a move? Those two are all bluster, just frontin' to try and bring me down to their level. No, these pushups are transcendent and I will not scrabble around in the muck with the likes of them. Well, literally I guess I will since I was doing the pushups in a Road Ranger parking lot. But whatever.

The event we are travelling to is a 10 hour triathlon which we are competing in as a relay team. As many circuits as we can do on the following triathlon course: 700 meter swim, 14 mile bike, and 5k run. We aspire to complete 8 or 9 loops. Each team member must do one leg of each triathlon - swim, bike or run. I'll be doing probably all of the running. It should be interesting. It goes without saying that while the other two are biking / swimming, I will be doing my pushups. No rest for Thunder John. No sleep 'til Brooklyn.

Please enjoy this swell picture of me doing pushups in the Road Ranger Parking lot.







Peace Out,



Thunder John



"Bringin' the thunder, packing the pain, loaded with pushups, makin' it RAIN."

Thunder John on Vacation

August 20, 2010

65,000 pushups completed
935,000 pushups to go

1,473 pushups ahead of schedule

Recently finished a glorious week in Elk Rapids, Michigan, a saint's whisper from the 45th parallel. That's halfway between the equator and the north pole. If you were paying close attention, you may have felt a small shift in the corollis effect as the Earth's rotation was a little bit more stable that week. It's the result of these biceps being on the 45th parallel. I don't want to get into the science of it all but suffice it to say, items with this much bulk can cause the Earth to wobble a bit and I have to be very careful.

Below are some pictures of me passing the time on a sand bar in Torch Lake, 3rd most beautiful lake in the world according to National Geographic. Vacation? There is no vacation from pushups. If we are to believe the members of "Snap!" when they sang that Rhythm is a Dancer, then it is equally true that Pushups are the master. And I am the slave, nay, indentured servant, as my period of servitude expires on 12/31/2019 upon the completion of pushup #1000000. The world awaits, breath baited. And Thunder John abides.

Peace Out

Thunder John

Bringing the thunder, packing the pain, loaded with pushups, makin' it rain.

p.s. - notice that my non-sensical analogies as mentioned in post #1 have returned from sabbatical. feel the sting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMPM1q_Uyxc

I am the warrior... and heart to heart, you'll win

July 20, 2010

55,725 pushups completed

944,275 to go

686 pushups ahead of schedule



It's been almost two months since my last update. I apologize... for nothing! Doing pushups is hard business... and business is good. You expect me to average 275 pushups a day for TEN YEARS and worry about updating my blog? If the choice came down to updating my blog (or weblog if you please) and doing one additional pushup, I'd choose the pushup. Every. Darn. Time.



In fact, this post is being tapped out one character at a time. Tap a key, pushup, lower down, tap next key. Repeat. While resting I peck out a few characters with my nose. Shift key with my tongue for capitalization. I feel that punctuation is very important.



So what have I been doing other than pushups? We're in the middle of triathlon season. I've done the Batavia duathlon, Twin Lakes Sprint Tri, and Lake Zurich Olympic Triathlon. So far so good. 8/1 is Rockford, 8/29 is Chicago, and September 11 is Burrito Union 10 hour triathlon in Superior, Wisconsin.



You might be wondering; what do triathlons have to do with pushups? Mind your business; it's my blog. In fact, I'm going to end it right here. Maybe next time you'll think first before criticizing my blog.



It's been a thin slice of heaven.



Peace out,



Thunder John



"Bringing the Thunder, Packin' the Pain, Loaded with pushups, making it rain"

Can I borrow a feeling?

May 23,2010
40,475 pushups completed
959,525 pushups to go
1,318 pushups ahead of schedule

...'Cause I can barely feel my arms. They are getting large and in charge.... and the public is beginning to notice. Several comments have been made.

Comment #1: John, have you been working out? You're looking big
Comment #2: Dude, you are ripped up! I guess i've only seen you in loose baggy shirts.
Comment #3: Juice, you've really beefed up your game
Comment #4: (traffic cop): Sir, please roll up your window and leave those sweater pythons inside the vehicle. You are throwing off the depth perception of the other drivers.
Comment #5: That one's lightning the other one's steel... if the right don't get you, the left one will. (self-quote before I scared off a group of punks menacing an old lady)

Had the stomach flu since the last post, but still increased my pace. 2300 the last 6 days. As Keanu Reeves would say... "Whoa".

Peace out
Thunder John

"Bringing the thunder, packing the pain, loaded with pushups, making it rain"

A New Era Dawns - Pushups for All

May 7, 2010

35,825 pushups completed

964,175 pushups to go

1,050 ahead of schedule

26 days since my last post. The world waits with breath baited. What has TJ been up to? Curing cancer? Ridding the world of swine flu? Leading by example in the war against pushup deficiency? One at a time, people, so I've started with the pushups.

Thunder John has been busy. The 1,050 ahead of schedule might be a bit deceptive; i've had several days the past month when I have not been able to do many because of work commitments, T-ball coaching commitments, etc. When I have had the time, a normal day is 300-400+. Feeling very good with the pushups.

Here's a little something for the masses: a picture of me and Jane. You must teach your children well. And start them young on the pushups.

That is all.

Peace Out,

Thunder John

"Bringing the Thunder, Packing the Pain, Loaded with Pushups, Making it Rain"

Back with another update

April 11, 2010

28,600 pushups done

971,400 pushups to go

1,218 ahead of schedule

I was very proud of Patrick this week. At his tae kwon do class they were doing pushups, and his form was impeccable. Just like his daddy.

Triathlon training is heating up. I am not sure how the pushups are going to be affected by my swim training. So far it seems to have helped - I'm swimming better than ever, but I'm also waking up very sore the morning after swimming. I do triathlons with these two other guys from college, Andy and Jon. We're all pretty much even and very competitive in the races. An analysis of each of our approaches to the sport:

Andy V: Very serious about his training, but fragile as a porcelain chamberpot. Wait, those are pretty sturdy... suffice it to say, he gets hurt easily. He has been swimming a ton this off season, so it should be interesting in the first race to see when he gets out of the water. We're been roughly even the last few years. Excellent biker, top 5% of triathletes in that category. Should be a better runner than he is, but not bad by any means.

Jon S: Swam competitively through freshman year in college, so he is the best in that category, probably top 10% of all triathletes in that category (but most triathletes are good swimmers). Improving on the bike the last few years due to increased training and million dollar wheels.. Used to be a very good runner, has lost a few steps, not sure why. Is it mental? Is he frightened by success?

Me: Swimming is my weakness, but improving. Good biker, could be better if I applied myself but I hate practicing in traffic. Running is my strength. Cramping issues the last two years have prevented me from dominating in Chicago, but that all changes this year.

Well, that is all.

xoxo

Thunder John