December 17, 2010
100,150 pushups completed
899,850 pushups to go
4,038 pushups ahead of schedule
Just passed the 100k mark today! It's on, it's official, there's no turning back now.
The press has picked up my scent:
http://www.mysuburbanlife.com/glenellyn/features/x1714281899/Glen-Ellyn-resident-pushes-a-million?img=1
Peace,
Thunder John
"Bringin' the thunder, packin' the pain, loaded with pushups - makin' it rain"
Friday, December 17, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Thunder John: Domo Arigoto, Mr. Roboto. "Tuning in Tokyo"
December 6, 2010
96,950 pushups completed
903,050 pushups to go
3,850 pushups ahead of schedule
Sorry I haven’t blogged in a while. I recently returned form a trip to Tokyo. On the surface, this was a business trip. A nice safe business trip. Dig a little deeper and you might find there’s more than meets the eye. But be careful where you dig… you don’t want to get burned by the molten lava.
My flight for Tokyo left at 11:10am on Sunday. Because of the time difference the plane touched down at 4pm… on Monday. I had to figure out how to avoid falling behind in my pushups quest.
First of all, I needed to prepare. I popped in my Rocky IV cassette and played a track aptly titled “Training Montage”. Then it was time for the feats of strength. I attempted not one, not two, but the seldom attempted 3 Adduci kid pushup. Somewhere a chiropractor grinned and felt the urge to finally put the down payment on that boat, but he didn’t know why.
Training accomplished, I did 400 pushups outside the lavatory on the plane. This allowed me to maintain my pace. Crisis Averted.
Now for the real purpose of my trip. I was ready to take on the Beast of the East. Every culturally literate American knows the story of John Henry. He was a steel driving man. In a contest of man vs. machine John Henry drove more railroad spikes from sunup to sundown than a steam powered jackhammer. John Henry became a folk hero, and represents the triumph of the common man over the industrial machines of the late 19th century. The 21st century version of this tall tale involves yours truly.
News travels fast in the world of competitive pushups. I’d heard tale of a Japanese engineered robot. A robot designed to do one thing better than any human: pushups. This could not be! Since the first vacuum tube, punch card and 010011101010101 line of binary code, engineers have striven to create a machine superior to man. The Japanese thought they had finally got it right. It was up to me to show them that this time, Icarus had flown too close to the sun and clip his paraffin wings.
We met at the Tokyo Dome. The Red Giant stood 20 feet tall if it was an inch. Here is a promotional photo from the event: note the sheepish grin on its face, as if the metal colossus could sense his impending defeat. Thunder John? All Business.
The stage was set for a battle of the ages. Toe to Toe we would go, pushup for pushup, until… something happened. The ground rules were not clear regarding how a victor would be declared.
In the end, we settled on a format called a “Free Form Pushup Jam”. As outlined in the Treaty of Poughkeepsie, a “free form pushup jam” can most easily be compared to jazz music. At the starting bell, both contestants begin doing pushups. At some point a victor is declared. What happens in between is uncertain; the only thing for sure is that lady victory would clutch one of us to her ample bosom.
Not since the Bad News Bears visited Japan in “Bad News Bears 3: Breakin’ Training” had the Tokyo Dome seen such palpable excitement. We assumed the classic pushup position as outlined in “A Gentleman’s Guide to Pushups”. Nose to Nose, face to face so that we could stare each other in the eye. It was now, officially, “go time”.
Silence reigned as we waited for the signal to begin. Somewhere a crow rustled his feathers. I thought briefly of my trip to the Wisconsin Dells, then snapped my laser focus back to the task at hand. To win would require the eye of a hawk, the strength of a baboon, the cunning of a mongoose and the focus of a Canon EOS Rebel. Fine camera. Andre Agassi endorsed it so you just know it’s quality. What was I saying again?
At last the starting whistle. The robot jumped out to a quick lead: by noon it had accomplished 10,000 pushups to my 400. The race continued.
How was I ever going to win? The answer was not going to be speed. I had to think… what was the one constant in the universe? And then it hit me: elemtary physics. Energy/Mass is neither created nor destroyed. This robot was consuming energy in order to perform its pushups. At some point, without an infusion of energy, the robot would run out of power. All I had to do was survive in the contest until that happened. The problem was that that may take years and I could only sustain a pushups position for at best, 17 hours.
So I had to speed the process along. The robot had to run out of energy, which with today’s lithium battery technology could take years….or, if I could cause the robot to expend the energy too rapidly… I could cause a fatal overheat! That seemed my best option.
My move was to tap into a strength I’ve been developing since I was a little boy. Growing up with 5 brothers, 7 sisters and a temperamental goldfish I had developed a knack for teasing. I am an expert at assessing an individual, finding their weakness or some personal or physical trait which they are self conscious about, or even some offhand comment or insignificant action and using it to drive them crazy.
• Just ask my brother Tony, whom I’ve called “Duckfoot” since a 5-year old Tony announced that “Duckfoot is my breakdancing name”.
• Or my brother Andy who cannot stand to be called “Randy”.
• Or Tony yet again, who I once caught dancing in front of his mirror air guitaring to Juice Newton’s “Playing with the Queen of Hearts”.
• Even something as simple as my brother Jimmy’s love of purple popsicles combined with a slight speech impediment became fodder ripe for teasing
I am not proud of the trail of tears my teasing has left behind, but this was no time for regrets. It was time to make with the insults.
I started with a softball:
“Hey Gigantor, did you stay up all night dying your undies red?”
The robot shuddered and increased its pace just a little.
“Which one are you, Rock’em or Sock ‘em?”.
The reference to the classic toy was lost on the automaton. Or else he’d heard this one before. Come on Thunder John get your head in the game! I had to try harder.
“Is your mother a parking meter? She gave me two hours for a quarter last night!”
Steam began to rise from where a human would have ears.
“In the Short Circuit movies, Steve Guttenberg was the REAL star! Johnny 5 was not alive!” I’d clearly hit a copper wired nerve with this insult as his pace quickened even more.
“Spectreman was a 90 foot sissy!” One of the worst insults you could make to a Japanese anthropomorph. I decided not to press my luck with a Mighty Morphin Power Rangers reference.
“Your armor is a little spotty… somebody could use a dip into a tub full of TARN-X”
The robot increased its pace, gears whirring and gaskets whizzing until I was nose to nose with just a red blur. No one likes to be tarnished. I was a saint’s whisper from victory; one more insult ought to do it:
“I’ve never recycled!”
That last comment proved too much as the robot exploded in a white hot shower of sparks and plate metal
Foe vanquished, my mission in Tokyo was complete. Homo Sapiens once again stood atop the food chain. Machines would continue to serve Man, at least for another day. Terminator-style Apocalypse averted.. And yes, I even managed to get some work done for my employer.
So that’s plenty for you to chew on. And it was a pretty good story too... parts, anyway. I didn't much care to see that nice robot blow up. But I happen to know that the Japanese are working on a new, better pushup robot that TJ may meet on his next trip to Tokyo.
So, until next time; keep your back straight, your elbows loose, and may your sternum meet the ground on every rep.
Peace out,
Thunder John
“Bringin’ the thunder, packin’ the pain, loaded with pushups, makin’ it rain!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYlkYkHkZxs
xo
96,950 pushups completed
903,050 pushups to go
3,850 pushups ahead of schedule
Sorry I haven’t blogged in a while. I recently returned form a trip to Tokyo. On the surface, this was a business trip. A nice safe business trip. Dig a little deeper and you might find there’s more than meets the eye. But be careful where you dig… you don’t want to get burned by the molten lava.
My flight for Tokyo left at 11:10am on Sunday. Because of the time difference the plane touched down at 4pm… on Monday. I had to figure out how to avoid falling behind in my pushups quest.
First of all, I needed to prepare. I popped in my Rocky IV cassette and played a track aptly titled “Training Montage”. Then it was time for the feats of strength. I attempted not one, not two, but the seldom attempted 3 Adduci kid pushup. Somewhere a chiropractor grinned and felt the urge to finally put the down payment on that boat, but he didn’t know why.
 |
| MOLLY: SNAP THE #@%!@#$& PICTURE!!! |
Now for the real purpose of my trip. I was ready to take on the Beast of the East. Every culturally literate American knows the story of John Henry. He was a steel driving man. In a contest of man vs. machine John Henry drove more railroad spikes from sunup to sundown than a steam powered jackhammer. John Henry became a folk hero, and represents the triumph of the common man over the industrial machines of the late 19th century. The 21st century version of this tall tale involves yours truly.
News travels fast in the world of competitive pushups. I’d heard tale of a Japanese engineered robot. A robot designed to do one thing better than any human: pushups. This could not be! Since the first vacuum tube, punch card and 010011101010101 line of binary code, engineers have striven to create a machine superior to man. The Japanese thought they had finally got it right. It was up to me to show them that this time, Icarus had flown too close to the sun and clip his paraffin wings.
We met at the Tokyo Dome. The Red Giant stood 20 feet tall if it was an inch. Here is a promotional photo from the event: note the sheepish grin on its face, as if the metal colossus could sense his impending defeat. Thunder John? All Business.
 |
| Does the Crowd Understand? Was it East vs. West? Or Man Against Machine? |
The stage was set for a battle of the ages. Toe to Toe we would go, pushup for pushup, until… something happened. The ground rules were not clear regarding how a victor would be declared.
In the end, we settled on a format called a “Free Form Pushup Jam”. As outlined in the Treaty of Poughkeepsie, a “free form pushup jam” can most easily be compared to jazz music. At the starting bell, both contestants begin doing pushups. At some point a victor is declared. What happens in between is uncertain; the only thing for sure is that lady victory would clutch one of us to her ample bosom.
Not since the Bad News Bears visited Japan in “Bad News Bears 3: Breakin’ Training” had the Tokyo Dome seen such palpable excitement. We assumed the classic pushup position as outlined in “A Gentleman’s Guide to Pushups”. Nose to Nose, face to face so that we could stare each other in the eye. It was now, officially, “go time”.
Silence reigned as we waited for the signal to begin. Somewhere a crow rustled his feathers. I thought briefly of my trip to the Wisconsin Dells, then snapped my laser focus back to the task at hand. To win would require the eye of a hawk, the strength of a baboon, the cunning of a mongoose and the focus of a Canon EOS Rebel. Fine camera. Andre Agassi endorsed it so you just know it’s quality. What was I saying again?
At last the starting whistle. The robot jumped out to a quick lead: by noon it had accomplished 10,000 pushups to my 400. The race continued.
How was I ever going to win? The answer was not going to be speed. I had to think… what was the one constant in the universe? And then it hit me: elemtary physics. Energy/Mass is neither created nor destroyed. This robot was consuming energy in order to perform its pushups. At some point, without an infusion of energy, the robot would run out of power. All I had to do was survive in the contest until that happened. The problem was that that may take years and I could only sustain a pushups position for at best, 17 hours.
So I had to speed the process along. The robot had to run out of energy, which with today’s lithium battery technology could take years….or, if I could cause the robot to expend the energy too rapidly… I could cause a fatal overheat! That seemed my best option.
My move was to tap into a strength I’ve been developing since I was a little boy. Growing up with 5 brothers, 7 sisters and a temperamental goldfish I had developed a knack for teasing. I am an expert at assessing an individual, finding their weakness or some personal or physical trait which they are self conscious about, or even some offhand comment or insignificant action and using it to drive them crazy.
• Just ask my brother Tony, whom I’ve called “Duckfoot” since a 5-year old Tony announced that “Duckfoot is my breakdancing name”.
• Or my brother Andy who cannot stand to be called “Randy”.
• Or Tony yet again, who I once caught dancing in front of his mirror air guitaring to Juice Newton’s “Playing with the Queen of Hearts”.
• Even something as simple as my brother Jimmy’s love of purple popsicles combined with a slight speech impediment became fodder ripe for teasing
I am not proud of the trail of tears my teasing has left behind, but this was no time for regrets. It was time to make with the insults.
I started with a softball:
“Hey Gigantor, did you stay up all night dying your undies red?”
The robot shuddered and increased its pace just a little.
“Which one are you, Rock’em or Sock ‘em?”.
The reference to the classic toy was lost on the automaton. Or else he’d heard this one before. Come on Thunder John get your head in the game! I had to try harder.
“Is your mother a parking meter? She gave me two hours for a quarter last night!”
Steam began to rise from where a human would have ears.
“In the Short Circuit movies, Steve Guttenberg was the REAL star! Johnny 5 was not alive!” I’d clearly hit a copper wired nerve with this insult as his pace quickened even more.
“Spectreman was a 90 foot sissy!” One of the worst insults you could make to a Japanese anthropomorph. I decided not to press my luck with a Mighty Morphin Power Rangers reference.
“Your armor is a little spotty… somebody could use a dip into a tub full of TARN-X”
The robot increased its pace, gears whirring and gaskets whizzing until I was nose to nose with just a red blur. No one likes to be tarnished. I was a saint’s whisper from victory; one more insult ought to do it:
“I’ve never recycled!”
That last comment proved too much as the robot exploded in a white hot shower of sparks and plate metal
 |
The robot succumbs to my stone cold needling. Consider your hash settled, Mr. Roboto! (click to enlarge) |
So that’s plenty for you to chew on. And it was a pretty good story too... parts, anyway. I didn't much care to see that nice robot blow up. But I happen to know that the Japanese are working on a new, better pushup robot that TJ may meet on his next trip to Tokyo.
So, until next time; keep your back straight, your elbows loose, and may your sternum meet the ground on every rep.
Peace out,
Thunder John
“Bringin’ the thunder, packin’ the pain, loaded with pushups, makin’ it rain!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYlkYkHkZxs
xo
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Thunder John: From Russia with Love (and pushups)
November 24, 2010
93,025 pushups completed
906,975 pushups to go
3,211 pushups ahead of schedule
Greetings weblog fans! Many developments in the world of pushups since my last post. Can't wait to get started; I'm as excited as a stray dog who's found a bologna sandwich. So here we go.
First of all, mad props to my chums AndyV and Swad. They've put together some hilarious animated shorts depicting Thunder John and his enthusiasm for pushups. Here are the links. Fair warning that there is some language so don't show to your kids:
http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7734701
http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7792243
http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7745049
A Special Visitor:
A cold breeze blew into Glen Ellyn this Thanksgiving. My cousin "Thunder Sergei" Adduciovsky popped in for a visit. He is my communist doppelganger as witnessed by the picture below.
Behind the iron curtain he was once a revered sex symbol and toast of the town. Unfortuantely that town is Karabash, Russia, whose nickel smelting operation was key in earning its reputation as the most polluted town in the world. Here is a picture of my cousin bearing two gifts from the East:
Thunder Sergei, a Bottle of Russian Power Drink, and a Mail Order Bride
Sergei had not heard that I was already married. Mail travels slowly in Siberia. "In Mother Russia, the post office stamps and mails YOU!" was a popular joke in his home town.
Sergei made himself at home immediately. He became fascinated with Nick! At Nite. "That Balki Bartokomous is my hero. America or Burst!" and "This TJ Hooker... he is superhuman!" So he watched Tv,drank all the vodka, whiskey and brass monkey in my pantry and next began mixing up some crystal meth in my bathtub. "In Mother Russia, we like to rock and / or roll!" Well that was the last straw. I'd had enough of his oversized sunglasses and Adrian Zmed fascination. And I draw the line at bathtub related felonies. He had to go; I bid Sergei adieu. After realizing I was serious, in a fury he vowed to cut out the eyeballs of my parents. But these Russians are mostly bluster, so I still sleep quite soundly.
This has been fun. For me. Probably not so much for you. Still; Happy Thanksgiving everybody! Be thankful that you live in a country where the processing of heavy metals and the smelting industry in general does not seep into the drinking water. Unless Erin Brockovich is involved. Then all bets are off.
Peace Out,
Thunder John
"Bringin the thunder, packin' the pain, loaded with pushups, makin' it rain"
93,025 pushups completed
906,975 pushups to go
3,211 pushups ahead of schedule
Greetings weblog fans! Many developments in the world of pushups since my last post. Can't wait to get started; I'm as excited as a stray dog who's found a bologna sandwich. So here we go.
First of all, mad props to my chums AndyV and Swad. They've put together some hilarious animated shorts depicting Thunder John and his enthusiasm for pushups. Here are the links. Fair warning that there is some language so don't show to your kids:
http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7734701
http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7792243
http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7745049
A Special Visitor:
A cold breeze blew into Glen Ellyn this Thanksgiving. My cousin "Thunder Sergei" Adduciovsky popped in for a visit. He is my communist doppelganger as witnessed by the picture below.
Behind the iron curtain he was once a revered sex symbol and toast of the town. Unfortuantely that town is Karabash, Russia, whose nickel smelting operation was key in earning its reputation as the most polluted town in the world. Here is a picture of my cousin bearing two gifts from the East:
Thunder Sergei, a Bottle of Russian Power Drink, and a Mail Order Bride
Sergei had not heard that I was already married. Mail travels slowly in Siberia. "In Mother Russia, the post office stamps and mails YOU!" was a popular joke in his home town.Sergei made himself at home immediately. He became fascinated with Nick! At Nite. "That Balki Bartokomous is my hero. America or Burst!" and "This TJ Hooker... he is superhuman!" So he watched Tv,drank all the vodka, whiskey and brass monkey in my pantry and next began mixing up some crystal meth in my bathtub. "In Mother Russia, we like to rock and / or roll!" Well that was the last straw. I'd had enough of his oversized sunglasses and Adrian Zmed fascination. And I draw the line at bathtub related felonies. He had to go; I bid Sergei adieu. After realizing I was serious, in a fury he vowed to cut out the eyeballs of my parents. But these Russians are mostly bluster, so I still sleep quite soundly.
This has been fun. For me. Probably not so much for you. Still; Happy Thanksgiving everybody! Be thankful that you live in a country where the processing of heavy metals and the smelting industry in general does not seep into the drinking water. Unless Erin Brockovich is involved. Then all bets are off.
Peace Out,
Thunder John
"Bringin the thunder, packin' the pain, loaded with pushups, makin' it rain"
Monday, November 8, 2010
ThunderJohn.com
November 10, 2010
89,100 pushups completed
910,900 pushups to go
3,120 pushups ahead of schedule
Thunder John
Bringin' the thunder, packin' the pain, loaded with pushups, makin' it rain
89,100 pushups completed
910,900 pushups to go
3,120 pushups ahead of schedule
The Future is Now!
Through a Machiavellian series of business maneuvers, one more cutthroat than the next, I have acquired the rights to the website http://www.thunderjohn.com/. Clicking on this link will bring you directly to this blog. Now it will be easier than ever to access this pushups blog and keep pace with my march towards one million pushups.
Could it get any better? Yes! You may now EMAIL THUNDER JOHN DIRECTLY! The email is: ThunderJohn@ThunderJohn.com. Let me know what you think on all pushups related matters.
One tidbit I will share with you: my goal is to reach one million website hits before I get to one million pushups. Right now we're at about 600 page visits, so we have a ways to catch up. If you've enjoyed reading this blog, feel free to share this with your friends, relatives, enemies and those you are indifferent towards. Let's go viral!
Peace out,Thunder John
Bringin' the thunder, packin' the pain, loaded with pushups, makin' it rain
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Thunder John to Farmers: "Thank You"
November 6, 2010
87,750 pushups completed
912,250 pushups to go
2,865 pushups ahead of schedule
Daylight Savings today. One extra hour for Thunder John to fill with pushups. Thank you Farmers for the opportunity; I will be sure not to squander it. The alarm is set for 2am.
Peace out,
Thunder John
"Bringin' the thunder, packin' the pain, loaded with pushups, makin' it rain"
87,750 pushups completed
912,250 pushups to go
2,865 pushups ahead of schedule
Daylight Savings today. One extra hour for Thunder John to fill with pushups. Thank you Farmers for the opportunity; I will be sure not to squander it. The alarm is set for 2am.
Peace out,
Thunder John
"Bringin' the thunder, packin' the pain, loaded with pushups, makin' it rain"
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Thunder John: In a New York Minute
October 22, 2010
83,000 pushups completed
917,000 pushups to go
2,222 ahead of schedule.
Greetings pushups fans. Thunder John here. You, there. A lot's been happening since my last posting. Let me bring you up to speed.
First off, did something I've always wanted to do. I ate some Dannon (fruit on the bottom) yogurt a full three days past expiry. Nothing happened. Yogurt cops did not knock down my door. Empowered by my act of rebellion, I taped and distributed a broadcast of the Cubs game without the express written permission of Major League Baseball. Again nothing happened. I later ate an unwashed apple. Nada. This puts in doubt every warning my mother had ever burdened me with. Should I go cross the street with my eyes closed and see what happens? Eat the candy of a stranger? Spit directly into the wind? Never again trust an Irishman? Suppose I've got a few things to figure out on my own now.
No time for that now though; life moves fast and TJ isn't gonna wait on the sidelines. Last Sunday I went to New York City for business for three days. It was the Society of Actuaries Annual Meeting near Times Square. Actuaries are just really great people on the whole, there's no two ways about it. Great with numbers. Really like following the rules. Conversation can be challenging. But if you're ever going to buy a used car from somebody and they tell you they're an actuary, chances are you're getting a square deal.
Fast Fact: In A New York Minute, Thunder John can perform 71 pushups.
Actuaries use the left side of their brain a lot in their jobs; this is the analytical side that likes to crunch numbers, use logic, follow a chain of causation, etc. The right side, the side of creativity is not always that important for actuarial work. I tried taking guitar lessons to keep my right brain from getting flabby, but that was a disaster. So writing this blog, a "creative writing" exercise, is how I am currently trying to keep my brain balanced. Not sure how it's going so far, so please, provide some constructive criticism via the comments section on this blog.
Where was I... oh yeah so my arms are getting huge, my brain is perfectly balanced and I can't play the guitar. I'm ready for the rapture. What more could a person want? Well now that I'm what Dr. Maslow would call "self actualized", it's my duty to help you the faithful blog follower achieve your own muscular samsara. Let me continue to tell my tale:
While in NYC, I decided to stretch my legs and go for a walk. Below you can see me striking a familiar pose in front of the Ed Sullivan Theatre, home of The Late Show with David Letterman. Note the finger blocking the bottom of the picture. It is so hard to find a competent homeless person to take your picture, so instead a work colleague snapped my visage. Maybe I should've went with the NY vagabond instead.
Afterward I went around the corner and had a sandwich at the Hello Deli!, ordering from Rupert himself (Rupert often appears on the Late Show). In honor of the visit, here are the
Top Ten Reasons to Support the Thunder John Pushups Blog:
10. If the Dancing Baby can go viral, then every day I'm under 1,000,000 page visits is a slap in the face.
7. My kids college savings plan relies heavily on you clicking the banner ads.
6. The ten millionth page viewer will win... a brand new car*!
5. Chuck Norris doesn't do pushups. He does Earth-downs. Sorry. Wrong list but I thought it was funny.
4. What, you don't think there's any useful information in this blog, it's all just a bunch of self serving pablum? Well then, here's a tip to prevent body odor: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyTn_m4oMww
3. I told everybody at work that my blog is really popular. Please don't make me a liar.
2. Thunder John is the 21st century's first true American hero (I'd like to be played by Ryan Reynolds or Andre Agassi in the movie version of this story).
Thunder John
"Bringin' the thunder, packin' the pain, loaded with pushups, makin' it rain"
* - brand new car promotion has been cancelled
x
83,000 pushups completed
917,000 pushups to go
2,222 ahead of schedule.
Greetings pushups fans. Thunder John here. You, there. A lot's been happening since my last posting. Let me bring you up to speed.
First off, did something I've always wanted to do. I ate some Dannon (fruit on the bottom) yogurt a full three days past expiry. Nothing happened. Yogurt cops did not knock down my door. Empowered by my act of rebellion, I taped and distributed a broadcast of the Cubs game without the express written permission of Major League Baseball. Again nothing happened. I later ate an unwashed apple. Nada. This puts in doubt every warning my mother had ever burdened me with. Should I go cross the street with my eyes closed and see what happens? Eat the candy of a stranger? Spit directly into the wind? Never again trust an Irishman? Suppose I've got a few things to figure out on my own now.
No time for that now though; life moves fast and TJ isn't gonna wait on the sidelines. Last Sunday I went to New York City for business for three days. It was the Society of Actuaries Annual Meeting near Times Square. Actuaries are just really great people on the whole, there's no two ways about it. Great with numbers. Really like following the rules. Conversation can be challenging. But if you're ever going to buy a used car from somebody and they tell you they're an actuary, chances are you're getting a square deal.
Fast Fact: In A New York Minute, Thunder John can perform 71 pushups.
Actuaries use the left side of their brain a lot in their jobs; this is the analytical side that likes to crunch numbers, use logic, follow a chain of causation, etc. The right side, the side of creativity is not always that important for actuarial work. I tried taking guitar lessons to keep my right brain from getting flabby, but that was a disaster. So writing this blog, a "creative writing" exercise, is how I am currently trying to keep my brain balanced. Not sure how it's going so far, so please, provide some constructive criticism via the comments section on this blog.
Where was I... oh yeah so my arms are getting huge, my brain is perfectly balanced and I can't play the guitar. I'm ready for the rapture. What more could a person want? Well now that I'm what Dr. Maslow would call "self actualized", it's my duty to help you the faithful blog follower achieve your own muscular samsara. Let me continue to tell my tale:
While in NYC, I decided to stretch my legs and go for a walk. Below you can see me striking a familiar pose in front of the Ed Sullivan Theatre, home of The Late Show with David Letterman. Note the finger blocking the bottom of the picture. It is so hard to find a competent homeless person to take your picture, so instead a work colleague snapped my visage. Maybe I should've went with the NY vagabond instead.
Afterward I went around the corner and had a sandwich at the Hello Deli!, ordering from Rupert himself (Rupert often appears on the Late Show). In honor of the visit, here are the
Top Ten Reasons to Support the Thunder John Pushups Blog:
10. If the Dancing Baby can go viral, then every day I'm under 1,000,000 page visits is a slap in the face.9. Reading this blog will make you feel better about the way you spend YOUR free time (except for the time you spend reading this blog)
8. Have you read that guy with the situps blog? Pathetic!7. My kids college savings plan relies heavily on you clicking the banner ads.
6. The ten millionth page viewer will win... a brand new car*!
5. Chuck Norris doesn't do pushups. He does Earth-downs. Sorry. Wrong list but I thought it was funny.
4. What, you don't think there's any useful information in this blog, it's all just a bunch of self serving pablum? Well then, here's a tip to prevent body odor: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyTn_m4oMww
3. I told everybody at work that my blog is really popular. Please don't make me a liar.
2. Thunder John is the 21st century's first true American hero (I'd like to be played by Ryan Reynolds or Andre Agassi in the movie version of this story).
And the #1 reason to support the Thunder John blog is:
1. You need an outlet for the energy you were channeling into freeing the Chilean miners. This blog is your answer.
Peace out,Thunder John
"Bringin' the thunder, packin' the pain, loaded with pushups, makin' it rain"
* - brand new car promotion has been cancelled
x
Monday, October 11, 2010
Christopher Columbus, Rocky Balboa, Thunder John: The 3-man weave
October 11, 2010
79,375 pushups completed
920,625 pushups to go
1,609 ahead of schedule
It's Columbus Day 2010! Strange holiday if you give it a lot of thought. Christopher Columbus (CC) was an Italian sailing for Spain. CC blundered into the second largest landmass on Earth. Shortly thereafter we caucasians spread disease amongst the natives, devastating the population and their llama-based, wheelless civilization that also had no writing (well, the Mayans did, but they had all but dispersed by the time of CC). Actually, if CC HADN'T discovered America, then writing would never have been used in the Americas. The blog of Thunder John would have to be passed down by word of mouth. I'd have to pay for bards to memorize and recite (with proper inflection) each blog entry, and finance an annuity to pay for their descendants to memorize and recite this blog. In a way, we all have CC and his smallpox ridden blankets to thank for the internet and this blog in its current form.
So I try not to give it a lot of thought.
Any-who, so this was Columbus Day weekend, and I decided to take Monday off. The family unit drove up to Lake Geneva on Sunday and stayed overnight at a waterpark. One of the parks was having a special on a one bedrooom unit - we'd have the kids sleep in the bedroom on the king bed and Molly and I would use the pull out sleeper couch in the main room.
When I was a Junior in High School, my Physics AP teacher was Ed Pettus. He was an eccentric man, at least I remember him that way and it may only be because he had a thick, lustrous beard the hue of a fine raccoon pelt. My goodness, a grape could get lost in that beard and come out a raisin. That beard was a close third to the Amazon river basin and the rain forests of the Congo in terms of habitats for species yet undiscovered by man. My point is this. Mr. Pettus once demonstrated some sort of physics principle by laying down on a bed of nails. He had an actual wooden slab with several hundred nails impaled and pointing heavenward on which he lay prone to show us something about the distribution of weight. I found myself wide awake at 2:30am Sunday night, with a couch support digging into the soft space between my 8th and 9th vertebrae, pining for a mattress as comfortable as that remembered bed of nails. To say again that I was extremely tired Monday would be coals to Newcastle - I think you get the point. To compound my fatigue, of course, the children were up bright and early at 6am, so I arose and did the honorable thing: left for a sunrise 4 mile run before Molly knew I was awake.
Following the kids around a waterpark is a blast but also very tiring. Factor in a lousy night of sleep and a 90 minute car ride back from the hotel, and by 630pm I found myself only 125 pushups into my day. Way behind schedule. Lacking motivation. Tired. All but beaten. But then it's always darkest before the dawn, and providence found it fitting at that EXACT moment to draw me close to her ample bosom and give me, Thunder John, the strength to complete my pushups quota for the day.
You see, I had just gone upstairs to iron a pair of pants for tomorrow's workday, and I turned on the TV to keep me company. As it so happened, the channel just happened to be tuned to AMC, which just happened to be airing the classic movie "Rocky", and it just happened to be at that part of the movie where Rocky fights Apollo Creed for the title! What more inspiration could a mere mortal (and an Italian American on Columbus Day to boot) need? I walked into that room 125 pushups down for the day, and I did not re-emerge until 30 minutes later, having watched that final fight 2 times (thank you DV-R), and by Odin's beard, 350 total Columbus Day pushups completed. Yessir, that is 9 sets of 25 pushups and one pair of crisp, perfectly ironed trousers. It may have been the most productive 30 minutes of my life.
There's a scene in round 14 of the fight. Rocky is getting beaten all to heck, and somehow he fights his way off the ropes and cracks the Champion's ribs. The bell rings, Rocky stumbles back to his corner. Rocky's eyes are engorged and swollen like a baboon's backside. He tells his trainer, "I can't see out there, you gotta cut me, Mick!" So the corner man takes a razor to his eyes and cuts into the swollen ridges of his brow, allowing the swelling to subside so that Rocky can see for the last round of the fight. "If you stop this fight I'll kill you" Rocky tells his trainer. I only hope that if it comes down to brass tacks, I will have the same sort of fortitude and continue on past all obstacles to complete my million pushups.
Peace out,
Thunder John,
"Bringin' thunder, packing the pain, loaded with pushups, makin' it rain"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G40ji3nWHi0&feature=related
ps - Gerard Depardieu portrayed Christopher Columbus in the movie "1492". Could there be worse casting? CC was a suave Italian explorer, Gerard Depardieu is and was a grotesque non-Italian. Why not Consider Sly Stallone for the role? "Youse guys need to, like, discover some new world or something, before, you know, I start punching these sides of beef". It would have been epic.
79,375 pushups completed
920,625 pushups to go
1,609 ahead of schedule
It's Columbus Day 2010! Strange holiday if you give it a lot of thought. Christopher Columbus (CC) was an Italian sailing for Spain. CC blundered into the second largest landmass on Earth. Shortly thereafter we caucasians spread disease amongst the natives, devastating the population and their llama-based, wheelless civilization that also had no writing (well, the Mayans did, but they had all but dispersed by the time of CC). Actually, if CC HADN'T discovered America, then writing would never have been used in the Americas. The blog of Thunder John would have to be passed down by word of mouth. I'd have to pay for bards to memorize and recite (with proper inflection) each blog entry, and finance an annuity to pay for their descendants to memorize and recite this blog. In a way, we all have CC and his smallpox ridden blankets to thank for the internet and this blog in its current form.
So I try not to give it a lot of thought.
Any-who, so this was Columbus Day weekend, and I decided to take Monday off. The family unit drove up to Lake Geneva on Sunday and stayed overnight at a waterpark. One of the parks was having a special on a one bedrooom unit - we'd have the kids sleep in the bedroom on the king bed and Molly and I would use the pull out sleeper couch in the main room.
When I was a Junior in High School, my Physics AP teacher was Ed Pettus. He was an eccentric man, at least I remember him that way and it may only be because he had a thick, lustrous beard the hue of a fine raccoon pelt. My goodness, a grape could get lost in that beard and come out a raisin. That beard was a close third to the Amazon river basin and the rain forests of the Congo in terms of habitats for species yet undiscovered by man. My point is this. Mr. Pettus once demonstrated some sort of physics principle by laying down on a bed of nails. He had an actual wooden slab with several hundred nails impaled and pointing heavenward on which he lay prone to show us something about the distribution of weight. I found myself wide awake at 2:30am Sunday night, with a couch support digging into the soft space between my 8th and 9th vertebrae, pining for a mattress as comfortable as that remembered bed of nails. To say again that I was extremely tired Monday would be coals to Newcastle - I think you get the point. To compound my fatigue, of course, the children were up bright and early at 6am, so I arose and did the honorable thing: left for a sunrise 4 mile run before Molly knew I was awake.
Following the kids around a waterpark is a blast but also very tiring. Factor in a lousy night of sleep and a 90 minute car ride back from the hotel, and by 630pm I found myself only 125 pushups into my day. Way behind schedule. Lacking motivation. Tired. All but beaten. But then it's always darkest before the dawn, and providence found it fitting at that EXACT moment to draw me close to her ample bosom and give me, Thunder John, the strength to complete my pushups quota for the day.
You see, I had just gone upstairs to iron a pair of pants for tomorrow's workday, and I turned on the TV to keep me company. As it so happened, the channel just happened to be tuned to AMC, which just happened to be airing the classic movie "Rocky", and it just happened to be at that part of the movie where Rocky fights Apollo Creed for the title! What more inspiration could a mere mortal (and an Italian American on Columbus Day to boot) need? I walked into that room 125 pushups down for the day, and I did not re-emerge until 30 minutes later, having watched that final fight 2 times (thank you DV-R), and by Odin's beard, 350 total Columbus Day pushups completed. Yessir, that is 9 sets of 25 pushups and one pair of crisp, perfectly ironed trousers. It may have been the most productive 30 minutes of my life.
There's a scene in round 14 of the fight. Rocky is getting beaten all to heck, and somehow he fights his way off the ropes and cracks the Champion's ribs. The bell rings, Rocky stumbles back to his corner. Rocky's eyes are engorged and swollen like a baboon's backside. He tells his trainer, "I can't see out there, you gotta cut me, Mick!" So the corner man takes a razor to his eyes and cuts into the swollen ridges of his brow, allowing the swelling to subside so that Rocky can see for the last round of the fight. "If you stop this fight I'll kill you" Rocky tells his trainer. I only hope that if it comes down to brass tacks, I will have the same sort of fortitude and continue on past all obstacles to complete my million pushups.
Peace out,
Thunder John,
"Bringin' thunder, packing the pain, loaded with pushups, makin' it rain"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G40ji3nWHi0&feature=related
ps - Gerard Depardieu portrayed Christopher Columbus in the movie "1492". Could there be worse casting? CC was a suave Italian explorer, Gerard Depardieu is and was a grotesque non-Italian. Why not Consider Sly Stallone for the role? "Youse guys need to, like, discover some new world or something, before, you know, I start punching these sides of beef". It would have been epic.
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